I live. I live. I live.

Apologies for my not posting in so long, just trying to soak up and adjust to this new life. So if you've been keeping up at all you'll know I moved to New York last month for the summer. I got an internship at this fashion production company and I am spending the summer working, networking and trying to figure out my life and my future.

In short, these three weeks have been more than I would've imagined especially this early. My job is great, I am working full time with good pay (just waiting for that new-job-first-paycheck still). The work I've been doing is relevant to what I've been learning in school, no bitch work or coffee runs like they have in the movies (cue The Devil Wears Prada).

Originally this post was supposed to be an update on how I was doing and about the cool people I meet everyday, the fashion show I wet to, how I met D Wade and Gabrielle Union and Luka Sabbat and how I'm trying to move out here and about the dope pictures I've been taking and about how lit the Beyoncé concert was...but now I feel like there are more significant and current things to talk about.

So, Florida...I wake up this morning hearing about some shooting in Orlando. 50 killed, 53 injured? So 103 people physically harmed from this massacre. A lot of articles I am seeing are brushing over the fact that it was indeed a gay club and so automatically this incident is associated with hate crimes. After speaking to the parents of the alleged shooter, his parents say he "would become angry when saw two men kissing," giving him a bit of irrational motive.

When I see people kiss, no matter their genders or sexual preferences, I personally have a few different internal reactions. One, I might be jealous, how lovely that people are comfortable enough with themselves, with their significant other, and with their relationship and with society to even attempt to show such affection in the public eye where people are so critical, hateful and judgmental. How I envy you people. Two, I might wonder how someone could be so in love that they are making out in New York City at 8 in the morning, when I barely want to talk to anyone or be awake that early. Three, I am happy for them. Basically what I am trying to say is a kiss is a positive thing, a sign of positive affection. Seeing two people you do not even know kiss should never trigger anger in someone. Especially to a point where they feel the need to make such a call on the lives of innocent people doing nothing more positive than dancing.

Just to think about all of the stories these people in this clubs had. Thinking about their families, kids they may have had who are orphans now (yes, it is possible), parents, nieces and nephews, friends and more. One of the article showed screenshots of texts one person sent to his mother, first telling her they loved her then briefly as possible explaining what was happening. I couldn't help but think that could've been me texting my mom and I started to tear up.

I really wonder why it is so difficult for the world to mind their own business and just be happy for people. Judgment and hatred for things that you can not help and do not need to help lead to shit like this. It is crazy how a man can have such a lack of courage to have to murder a people because he cannot find a way to adjust to a certain population of people. This is a large scale incident but I am also thinking of smaller cases where people choose to disassociate with people who identify differently than them, be they gay,lesbian, trans, black, asian, short, disabled, or goodness forbid a combination of any of these.

Homophobic people will respond to this case and find some way to argue at the obvious homophobic nature of this incident, trying to fight against the gay agenda or something but I hope they can find compassion somewhere and understand that we need some sort of change.

This is one of many incidents to have happened and it won't be the last, people, no matter their differences should stand together, learn to appreciate one another. Not just tolerate, that is something that is so small to ask, but actually taking the time to stand in someone's shoes, understand what they have to go through daily. This is as simple as asking questions. Ask some gay people or black people or disabled people what life is like. What don't you understand about them? Why are you hesitant around them or why are you afraid? We don't know everything and questions provide clarity if not anything else.

I know this case is still new, all facts aren't clear yet and his motives may have been something different but I am responding to the information that is currently present. I want to challenge people to open your minds and try to understand these people you have prejudice or misunderstanding against. We need things like this to not happen again, it doesn't have to be so political, being a good human doesn't have to take that much effort. If we could all be so motivated by things like this to want change, to spread knowledge and spread compassion and fight the hatred our world gets consumed by, things like this could be prevented. I know of so many people who don't like change, who are stuck in their traditional ways and who want to fight against any sort of progressivism and I truly believe that you people are the people who are stopping the growth of our country and our world. These kind of ideals keep actions like this happening. New things exist, there is no way to not believe in homosexuality, it exists, these people are tangible, living and breathing, while they can. You needn't try to pray this shit away, you don't need to murder them in bulk, understand and accept them, then go home to your own life and live happily ever after. It could all be so easy.

My heart bleeds for these people and for their families, friends and same sex lovers. I read somewhere that the injured 53 people need blood donors so if anyone reading this is around Orlando please look into it. I know there are ways for the rest of us to help but all in all we need to grow all together and dispel this kind of anger in our souls and try to promote the same for people around us. Who knows who could try something like this next.

One thing that I've been both appreciating and resenting about New York is how invisible I feel most times. I am from Ohio and I'm used to walking past people and looking at them, maybe smiling and saying hello, you know? But here they don't really do that. No one looks at you, they have their own thing going on and they don't really care what's going on with you. I can wear anything I want to and no one really cares, no one takes a double look. It is strangely very intimate for so many people to be here. I've never been around so many people but still felt alone. There are pros and cons to this but for now it is just something I am noticing. One good thing about it though....people are minding their business, I feel judged around here a lot less than I do at home sometimes. There is so much we could be doing with our lives, so much we need to do and so much we probably want to do. Taking time out of the day to judge a people we know not enough about is such a waste when we could be bettering the world. I hope no one reading this thinks bettering the world is equivalent to the demolition a group of people.

I can't help but think of all the beautiful people in my life who go to gay clubs or who could have been at one and I can't help put picture myself mourning the loss of them.

Be safe everyone, stay lit. My best goes to Orlando, something's got to give.

- Lackwhen