black boy takes pictures
of himself to feel
pretty hard out here for a nigga
when he wants to be
the one you come home to
but the house empty floors dusty
used rent money and got my hair braided
just tryna feel different
and it's a look but it's not
really hard tryna be
in front of and behind a camera
not feel seen in either position
sometimes it won't even focus on me
not enough light
people who don’t matter think weakly
about me I think about them daily
crying on the kitchen floor
playing in my roommate’s makeup
I feel like a bad bitch all ways
and all of the time
except when
people [try to] take my picture
except when they don’t
know my angles can’t
make my problems theirs
don't know how to fix a blemish
either they can’t see me
or my eyes is fucked up
again
i’m delusional
looking at myself
i've gone blurry again
need my shot
I ain’t no good high
mouth dry
again
need
to piss
again
need
to lay down
need to cry
again
or just
slow down
stop eating bread
I need need
some water
and more light
I mean
attention
and love need
myself even when
it's hard